A difficult conversation becomes harder when a description of behaviour turns into a judgement about character. “You are careless” leaves little room to investigate what happened. A specific observation creates a more useful starting point.
A familiar workplace challenge
Illustrative scenario: a service supervisor notices that two handovers lack a customer reference number. The next shift spends time locating the cases. The supervisor needs the required information completed, but does not yet know why it was missing.
1. Prepare the issue before the opening line
Write down the observed behaviour, its impact and the expected standard. Check that each statement is supported. If you have only heard a report, describe it as a report and verify it before reaching a conclusion.
2. Ask before deciding the explanation
Use an open question and allow time for an answer. “Can you walk me through how you completed the handover?” may reveal an unclear template, an interruption or a capability gap. Listening does not remove the standard; it helps you choose a relevant response.
3. Agree an action you can review
A request to “be more careful” is difficult to check. Specify the required behaviour, available support and review date. Ask the employee to summarise the agreement. If accounts differ, record the uncertainty and establish how it will be checked.
Words to practise
“The customer reference was missing from these two handovers, so the next shift had to search for the cases. What happened during the handover? Let’s agree how the required fields will be checked before the next submission.”
Try this at work
Prepare one low-risk feedback conversation. Separate facts, interpretation and expectation on paper. Rehearse the first two sentences and one genuine question.
Reflect on the outcome, turn the useful step into a repeatable routine, and share the learning with a colleague. This is the Ramology cycle of Reflect, Automate and Multiply.
Build the skill in Say What Matters
This one-day workshop uses the BRAVER framework. Guided reflection, fact-versus-assumption sorting, listening drills and two-round conversation practice. Peer observation checks evidence, respect, clarity and follow-up.
Learning focus: Prepare a calm, purposeful opening. Distinguish observed behaviour from assumptions. Use open questions to clarify the other person’s account.
